The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
