Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
