oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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