cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
