the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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