actually, I'm a sock model
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
