Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
