Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
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you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
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Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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