u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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