he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
