if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
