Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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