Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
