you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
