Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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