More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
