beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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