They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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