i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
