those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize