Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
