I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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