You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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