I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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