but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
