we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I am one with the molecules
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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