Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
