Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Someone signed my nipple.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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