So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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