you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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