i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
