He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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