I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
