I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
