Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
