Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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