The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
