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My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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