just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
