YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
