Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize