well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
