why didn't you poke me back
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
