Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
