Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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