I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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