butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
