He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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