just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
