when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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