We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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