It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
