dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize