I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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