Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
