im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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