I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
