I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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