Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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