your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
