you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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