I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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