absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
