She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
