First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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