well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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