Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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