you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
