i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
