the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
