Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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