My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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