He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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